You Know You're In Peace Corps Tonga When... (#13)

…the only flavor potato chips at the store is “chicken flavor.”

...that extra zesty crunch in your pasta salad is beach sand.

…you need to plug the bottom gap of your front door when it rains to avoid getting your floor pillows wet.

…you are 26 years old and still get chain mail text messages.  Most recently: 

I'm sorry to bother you but it is urgent. I have a friend coming from far and need a place to stay since He'll be around, so I have indicated your house.  Pls receive and love him.  His name is Jesus of Nazareth.  Say this slowly, Jesus of Nazareth, I love you and I need you, clean my heart with your blood and my family. Send this to 10 people

… there is roti and UHP milk available on your outer island, but there is none available in the capital; there is olive oil available in the capital but not your island; and there are no potatoes anywhere.

…you’ve lit your shower on fire, four times.  Last time it singed your eyebrows (sometimes the gas hose falls off the heater and spews gas directly into the fire jets).

…you’ve used test tubes as shot glasses.

…you’ve started signing your emails with the salutation, “Cheers.”

...you heard your first Christmas song of the 2011 holiday season, the Little Drummer Boy, from a radio on an outer island of only a few hundred people.  It was the second week of November, showing that not even Tonga can wait anymore until after Thanksgiving.

…when hearing you’ll be soon returning to the States, your student asks you where in the States you live:  “New York or Mexico?”

…you consider buying a USD $5 can of pineapple splurging.

...The most stinging insult one student can say to another is that they are fiepoto, or trying to be smart.  (You'll get called this by raising you hand too much, answering too many of the teacher's questions, or showing too much interest in your own education).

…immature yet adult neighbors have asked to borrow your electric shock-collar to “play” with their dog. 

…your neighbor asks you for antibiotics because that’s what he always takes when he gets a runny nose.

...…you’ve used American candy bars to pay students to water your tomato garden, you’ve used a bag of your tomatoes to pay for a beer, and you’ve used a beer to pay for your taxi ride. 

…it’s been one month and that package you sent through the national post office to an office in the capital only 100 miles away still hasn’t arrived.

…in the primary school soccer league scoring system, a penalty results in a direct free open-goal kick from the midfield line.  Making the kick earns one point for the kicking team, but missing the kick earns one point for the other team.  Since primary schoolers aren’t usually strong enough to kick a ball from midfield, the team that caused the penalty gets a point almost every time.

...according to official police statistics, the most common crime in your country is pig theft.